happy new year's eve!

hi lovely people,

i'm so glad to see so many postings lately! it's exciting to read about all the changes that are happening and WE BETTER BE UPDATED.

it's new year's eve and i'm chugging water so i can sneak some vodka in the bottle (life hasn't changed much since school, i'm afraid). i'm waiting for colombina to come pick me up. all i can smell is the new perfume i got for christmas which i still haven't learned to apply properly so i'm overbearing in a whole new way. i'm going out downtown with a lot of people and i have no idea where i'm going to be an hour from now or my level of intoxication -- i hope i'll be very confused on both levels.

as for an update, this break has been really wonderful, but it shouldn't really feel that way. i got really sick as soon as i got home and was on antibiotics and then on christmas eve, some guy ran a red light and i totaled my car hitting him. it was cold and snowy (dallas's first white christmas in over a hundred years!). i'm still dealing with that mess, but all i can remember is the good times i've had this break -- going out like nobody's business, reconnecting with so many people -- some that i haven't seen in over five years, watching tv and playin cards with my family, obsessing over a new tv show (battlestar gallactica), and dealing with boy drama (my favorite activity). oh and cait had a 7 hour layover here before her 8 month travel abroad stint in costa rica. we ate yummy tex mex and napped/reminisced in a coffee shop that is really some lady's house. life is so much fun and hopefully tonight will be no different!

i'm hoping you all are going to have a fantastic night and i'll drink a champagne toast and (have a sip of vodka from my water bottle) for you all!

all my love,

this....is ikea heights

hi loves. i'm heading out to taiwan tomorrow with my mom until the 8th, so i'll have lots to say when i get back.
for now, this is my new haircut -

and this is a soap opera spoof that will almost certainly brighten your day - www.ikeaheights.combye!!!

I just have a lot of feelings...

So, it is 5:24 in the morning and I cannot sleep at all. There is just too much going on in my head. Maybe if I get it all out I'll be able to sleep.

Dear Diary,

I am finally done with Amherst College! I expected to be ecstatic, and while I do have moments of extreme happiness, mostly I still feel sort of numb, like I don't believe it, like I could wake up from this dream at any moment. And, now that it's over, there's no fixing it. There's no getting it together in the end, finishing on an upnote. It's just done. It feels like a crash landing. I am so happy I made it, but I wish so bad that I could have done it better...or not done it at all.

The current plan is to move to Northampton, and get a job. I already have an apartment and now I need money. I really need MONEY!!! I am broke as shit and so is my family. Going to a liberal arts college and majoring in Religion was a brilliant idea on my part. And why didn't anyone try to talk me out of it? Not sure. Anyway, I came up with Northampton because it's familiar, but not too familiar, cheaper than New York, a good place for a non driver, it's a musical town, Steve is still at Amherst, this is not a real sentence.

Anyway, life is going to be different. I never lived without my family or my close friends under the same roof. I don't know what it is to be alone. I'm not really going to be alone. I am sharing an apartment with these four people in their late 20s- I think grad students and musicians- cool people, very messy though. But if I ate out of the Zu kitchen, I can eat anywhere I guess. But anway, it will be a step toward independence, something I have grown to lack.

Home, as always, has been rough and nice at the same time. My parent's constant bickering - I can't stand it, and then my mother wonders why I don't want to live at home. And then there's my brother. He's got diabetes, and a lame ass job that doesn't give him health insurance because he's not working full time. He can't get medicaid because he makes too much, and he can't pay for his medication because he makes too little. So he's fucking broke and depressed. And then there's my niece. I love this girl more than life itself. She's 10 now, in her last year of elementary school, and it's so obvious that she is just not ready for middle school. She's got serious issues that her ignorant parents refuse to recongnize. She doesn't eat. This is not a new problem. She never has, but now I realize that she isn't growing out of this starvation phase, and she is skinny as all hell and also extremely shy and insecure and just really emotionally immature. The girl needs therapy or at least parents who are able to see that she isn't quite normal and are willing to put some extra time and energy and research into dealing with her. They love her and all. They're just DUMB! I am so worried she's going to get her little ass beat in NY public middle school. Either that or she'll be ignored.

Anyway, the point of all of this is to say that since I have been home I have realized that there isn't much left of the happy family I once new. I mean, we're still funny people who love each other and laugh a lot, but underneath that layer there is this kind of constant tension in the air, like a dark cloud just hanging over us all day and night. I hate it. I feel like I am the only one around here who can see things as they are, and who wants to fix things. I want to save everyone, I want to medn this family but I can't. I am not in a position to fix anything. I need to fix myself, which is why I am ruinning away to Northampton.

I am so excitied about the prospect of receiving a pay check, buying and cooking my own food, simply things that grown ups do. 2010 is going to be a year of healing and growing for me. I need it. And then maybe I can be of service to others- my family, my friends, the community- let's go crazy- the WORLD! All I plan to do right now though is work, sleep, eat, exercise, meditate, play guitar, sing, and be drunk and dancing every chance I get. Maybe I'll go to the occasional yoga class or get a massage once in a while. I want to make new friends and hang out with the old friends, and just do fun shit all the time. I am so sick of being sad. I can't do it anymore. I refuse to. Expect to see me in Boston and New Haven next semester...Oh, I'm sorry, I mean in the next few months. Semesters are for students.

I love you! Let's see if I can sleep now.

whirlwind Christmas

Hello to all!! My blogging entity has been long lost but has been found! In the spirit of Christmas! Anyway, what a couple of days its been. I went home during 19,20,21ish of December because I came down with a nasty cold (somehow all semester I wound up in Rach's bed when I was sick...only this time Rachel was strictly forbidden to enter into it again without desanitization, orders of Naomi! I missed the 10e babies graduation dinner, but Jess got to go, so that was good. I'm glad someone got to enjoy it.
Since I went back to Amherst to pack up all my junk and come home yet again, life has changed drastically. It is still a little premature, but it appears as though my family is moving to Tennessee prontisimo. Yeah-- so not only do I leave TOMORROW for Costa Rica for 8 months...but tonight is my last night in my Connecticut home. It feels really bittersweet, as did many of the beautiful moments my family shared together this Christmas. Amongst the best memories were yesterday, sitting in the living room by the Christmas tree, watching You Can't Take it With You, an ollld Frank Capra movie (black and white) with my Poppy. It's been a great couple of days, its all going so so so fast though. I will be sure to post down in Costa....AND the best thing of all, Selena! and I will be hanging in Dallas tomorrow, killing some of my 7 hour layover! Love to all, and wishing everyone happy hearts.
Cait

So lovely to hear everyone's holiday updates. I'm writing from my mom's kitchen table, full Christmas tree in front of us. Yes, we or, really, my mom still goes all-out with Holiday decorations. We've got Christmas kitsch everywhere -- nativity scenes, reindeers, stockings, Santa candy jars, Mrs. Santa salt shakers. The list goes on. I've become immune to it but I'm sure any of you would be sufficiently overwhelmed if you stepped into my house right now.

Maybe my mom's brilliant. Maybe all the Christmas crap actually gets us into the holiday spirit. My family's had a great couple of days together. Even after the five-hour present-opening marathon and mandatory holiday shopping (ie the obligatory trip to the LL Bean flagship store), we're still enjoying each other's company through wholesome activities. My siblings and I have played Setters of Catan, completed a Beatles puzzle, and successfully cooked dinner. Now my sister's playing the soundtrack to Cats on the piano, my grandmother's doing my older brother's laundry, and Harper just emerged from bed fully wrapped in the Snuggie that Julie's parents got for my mom for Christmas. A regular Leave it to Beaver scene, if there ever were one.

I got a cello bow and three cooking books for Christmas. Apparently everyone is aware that I now live in the real world! When any of you visit, I will be sure to prep for you vichyssoise, fried chicken in 20 minutes, or classic Maine-style blueberry pie, depending on your cook book of choice.

I heart you ladies and gent!

new year's resolution

post more on postchap. sorry, selena!

life's been hectic, but also very chapman-filled on the day-to-day, at least with those still living around new england. end of my semester: i finished my thesis! wowow. i partied A LOT. i "graduated" and then i finished my finals (two days ago). thirty minutes later my family started showing up at my house, and it's been full-on family (and eating...) ever since. tomorrow my favorite peruvians are coming to visit us! (meli y violeta) then new year's (in boston? destry? or dc? julian?) then florida !!! then, boston!!!!!!! whaa, exciting stuff ahead in quick succession. busy unpacking and repacking all my shit in preparation.....

below, photo of the year, me making out with tony marx (as he gives me my graduation cane, labeled "2010e"! yes, e!). becky, my mom also took a photo of your magical moment with marx. let me know if you want it... love, rach.

just call me julia child (BONNNN APPETIIIT - and joyeux noel!)

hello friends, from billowy and beautiful Miami -
I can't get over the warmth and sunshine of this place. it's quite shocking and wonderful to get a couple extra hours of daylight every evening; I am pleased, to say the least.
besides sun, there is SO MUCH GREEN! i came home and my mom proudly showed me how great my papaya tree was doing in the middle of the garden plot i planted a year and a half ago - needless to say, i never planted a papaya tree but i'm super excited about the delicious fresh fruit every morning! (another fun surprise at home - 3 kittens bouncing roun the house! nina, ninja and canela - cutest cuties i ever did see!)
also, my three little cousin-terrors have moved into my great-aunt's house next door, so i've been taking full advantage of the extra pairs of helpful (?) hands in the kitchen. successful cooking projects thus far: choc chip cookies, rosemary shortbreak cookies, honey whole wheat break, and chocolate mousse! (from my late grandmother's recipe! it's cooling in the fridge at the moment, so dessert time tonight will be the real test of it's success). i also processed and jarred a whole beehive full of honey salvaged from my backyard, whic was ridiculously sticky and fun. next on the list: french baguettes and candles made from the beeswax!!
merry festivities to you and yours! lotsa tropical hugs and kisses, carmella

Hi Love Heads,

Jesus (trying to get into the XMas spirit) I have been neglecting the blog! So sorry. Just read thru what I'd missed and rekindled my love and missing of all of you. I've been sitting here at the table cracking up at all of your posts and photos and videos... :) Meh, I am so smitten with you lovelies (Julian is also a lovely). Enough mush.

I am in Oxford pretty much just relaxing and eating gluten-free cake and muffins, going out for coffee, running in the cold, and drinking pints of cider... and sleeping... and watching movies... essentially doing every necessary vacation activity. :) I forgot my damn stethoscope, which is disappointing, but I'll be back to it soon enough.

Miss you sugar lumps!
Megan

terrible weather in san diego too - partly cloudy

happy chrismukkah, people! every year my family gets lazier and lazier about hanukkah. when i was a kid, we had a legitimate menorah and candles every night. in the last few years, we lost our menorah and instead of shelling out a whopping $5 to buy a new one, we used a menorah-shaped window-cling sticker with little window-cling candles and flames. This year, we couldn't even find that, so my mom printed out a picture of a menorah whose flames we colored in with red pen each day.
and this is what happens when you let only mildly jewish athiests mate and raise children.we taped it to an oven-like object that hangs above our stove and the oven that we actually use. the converstation I *just* had with my parents concerning this oven:
ROSE: Hey dad, do we have two ovens?
Dad looks down at oven-that-we-use and up at hanukkah-oven, down, up, down.
DAD: I guess so.
ROSE: Mom, do we have two ovens?
MOM: Yeah.
ROSE: What is the top oven for?
MOM: I don't know, maybe its like a giant toaster.

Who let us run our own household?
Love, season's greetings, don't buy too much useless crap,
rosie

moving sucks.

in thanks for all the selena's in the world (or, the one and only)

(courtesy of the one and only bill taylor)

just in case you're still up

this goes out to all the carmellas in the world



and my always favorite:

happy holidays!!

pauline's 60th ♥

academia, get out of my life!

The eroticization of the natural is homologous with the engendering of power/knowledge.

write your own academic sentence!

days until the end of academia: 5 !
# of pages standing b/w me and the end of academia (as of yet unwritten): 30 (due in 3 days...)

wine and cheese was a wild success, as was a lovely saturday night Hanukkah gathering at kendahl's with julian and friends. rosie's been sleeping in my bed- always a good time. friday marks the end of my college career...! ! ! until then, i'm hunkering down in smudd for all eternity. bah!

snowily yours, carmzella

p.s. I'm famous!

CHANGESSSSS

so guys. texas is really getting to me. 1) i work at a religious lobbying organization. and 2) i joined the texas guard. they do a lot of really great disaster relief work (and no i can't get deployed). here is proof:

this is me at attention.


this is me at ease.


i hope you all can forgive me and still love me.

Climategate? Seriously?

Going to be in Amherst this weekend, not much else to update, but just in case 'climate gate' has you wondering, yes! global warming is happening, yes! it is caused by anthropogenic emissions (we can prove it with isotope analysis! 13C does not lie!) and no! science is not dead, it just so happens that some scientists are irresponsible and think that raw data needs a lot of dumbing down because the public is so fucking stupid.

FYI:
The 'decline' they are talking about is one of three proxies for temperature before we started recording temperatures in a standardized way in the 50s. This particular proxy, because it comes from tree rings, is notoriously hard to detangle from all the other trends that would effect width of a tree ring (temperature, yes, but also precipitation, nutrient availability, age of the stand, looooots of stuff). All this shit has to be crammed into models that generate a lot of error. However, if you look at the raw data with error bars (which these scientists *tsk tsk* did not report), this dip doesn't really take away from the overall warming trend. In fact, there is a LOT of variability in temperature interannually and deviations from a strict UP trend are to be expected, because the real world is messy. i am satisfied as long as the general regression line goes up at the end of the day, which it does.

I'm really pretty offended by the way FOX (et al.) are playing this off to be some kind of 'science-wide' conspiracy again good, hard-working americans, trying to make them give up driving their cars and using electricity.

I have only one question for you, right-wing pundit: what is our fucking motivation? I don't want to pay enormous energy bills or walk to school either. There is absolutely no good reason for the scientific community to 'make up' global warming'. We have fuck-all to gain. Well, I guess we DO have a trillion dollar oil industry backing us....oh, oh wait....that's you guys.
But sure, CO2 levels aren't rising, you're head is just oxygen-deprived from being up your ass all day.

I saw my first real snow of the season last night! Whoo! On top of a mountain in southern VT, as I was driving back to the Valley. It would have been much more exciting if I had not been driving, and if it had not been raining.

I also realized that now that the leaves are off of the trees, I can see the mountains near the Notch from my office window, at least until 4:30, when it gets dark.

Love!

ugh

I just watched food inc.
Gross.
Bleh.
Also, reallllly busy, but coming to amherst the late the 11th and staying til the 13th or maybe even earrrly the 14th. Can't a-wait!

love.
vegetables.

freedom hangs like heaven

hi friends! besides being super thankful for you and for everything good in my life, i've also been quite busy keeping up with classes and trying to make as much monies as possible before heading out in a few weeks. (gotta milk the system for all it's worth while i still can!) truthfully, my main focus lately has been on making money and devising awesome plans for spending it all. many lovely things on the horizon- notably, a sunny christmas homecoming in florida and springtime in france. (!!!) looks like some friends from cincinnati will be coming to Miami the first week in january and i think sam ellingson, chase, and possibly selena (AND OTHERS!?) might be visiting the weekend of the 8th (coughmybirthdaycoughcough). sooooo you are all invited, of course!
i'm so excited for pauline's birthday bash (megan's mommy!) in conn this weekend- it's going to be the party of the century! we'll be missing those of you who can't make it! muchos cariños !
with love and thanks,
carmella