Sorry for sucking so bad at this blogging thing. I'll try to be better in the future. It's just that sometimes when things aren't going so great I don't want to write a sad or angry post, and I don't want to write a fake one, so I just write nothing, you know?

Anyway, so I am two weeks into my job as a summer camp counselor to the children of incarcerated parents. They are fucking crazy!!! Like you cannot imagine how they refuse to follow instructions, and how they fight with each other constantly. I mean like fist fights.
This is an outline of your typical Children of Promise fight.

Walking in line to the park, Kaleek accidentally steps on Jelani's foot.

Jelani: You stepped on my foot! Watch where you goin stupid!
Kaleek: Who you callin stupid, fat boy?!
Jelani: Say that again and I'll punch you right in your teeth, I swear to God!
Kaleek: I ain't scared of you fat boy!

Jelani pushes Kaleek. Kaleek punches Jelani. I run over and physically seperate the two boys
who are still saying "that's why you ugly!" "just like your mother!" etc.
Then I, with the help of another counselor must somehow calm these boys down, tell them why hitting's not okay, threaten them with the prospect of not being allowed to go on the next field trip if they don't behave and getting them back in line so we can go the park.

This happens about once an hour.

These are the kids that get kicked out of the other summer camps. These kids have seen and experienced a lot of violence and trauma in their lives. They're angry. Most of them are sweet kids, but they have raging tempers. Like half the kids are pretty normal, but the carzy ones can bring out the crazy in anyone, including the counselors. This job is more stressful than anything I've ever experienced, even Amherst.

But there are the sweet moments, the hugs, the I love you Miss Rebeccas, the times they actually talk about their feelings istead of lashing out, the times they laugh, cry, play like normal children, sing, dance and act silly.Those moments are great although they are few and far between.

But I feel like this job is teaching me so much, that we are all prodcuts of our upbringing and so it makes no sense to judge. The "bad" people out there are just fucked up kids who never got any help. Most of us "good" people are just lucky people who were taught to be the way we are.
It's teaching me patience and self control and compassion, so expect to see an even more awesome me in the future! Also please read The Power of NOW by Eckhart Tolle. Please. Even if most of it sounds like new age bullshit to you, I promise you'll find something in it to be beautiful and true. You'll benefit from it somehow.

Yeah I think that's about all that's been going on with me. I love you guys and I miss you too.

Love,
Becky